Only God can restore me to wholeness

Helluuuuu this is my reflection hehe! It’s on the gospel on Ash Wednesday and I really liked it cos it made me reflect about many things.

From my personal experience, I’ve met Christians/Catholics whom I feel use religion as an accessory and do things to flaunt that they’re religious etc. Maybe I’m just being judgmental and passing sweeping statements, which I know is wrong of me, but it’s my honest opinion that I’ve come to make about certain people I’ve met. I know so and form such opinions because I’m guilty of the same; I’ve done things with the intention to impress and I’ve always known that that’s totally wrong, but this passage was so blunt and to the point, and it made me realise that it’s more than just having the right intentions behind good deeds. I feel it’s about being so humble and genuine that the intentions come naturally and there isn’t anything self-rewarding or self-glorifying about it, which is something I feel I struggle with.

I’m proud to be a Catholic but sometimes I feel I become so proud of our teachings and morals that I become self-righteous, and I say/do the right things in front of non-Catholics to place myself on a high pedestal just to show that I am better because I believe, and because I believe I do all these good deeds but it’s a completely different thing altogether. It’s no longer sincere and all I’m doing is lying to myself and to God, and my ‘good deeds’ become empty actions. It’s difficult because intentions don’t just change when you will them to, it comes straight from the heart and that’s something that cannot happen unnaturally. Being wholly truthful in my actions doesn’t always feel easy to me because I’m tempted by self-glorification, and I’ve been jaded by life to the point that I’ve lost that child-like innocence that acts as the root of being completely sincere and genuine, which I feel only God can restore. After hearing this passage, it made me realise how difficult it will be to wholeheartedly and naturally do things without hidden agendas, and how much more I’ll have to pray to God to help me become that person.

⁃ Ashley (6 March)

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