See what love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are.

Hi all it’s my turn to do reflection today !!!

I’m at a very low point in my life right now . I’ve been on a down hill since the start of this year after I think about it .

Academically I’m very unstable. I guess I am very affected by me not making the cut off point for Polytechnic Foundation Programme which means I have to go through a more tougher year compared to last year when I took my N’level exams . On my worst days I would not even bother doing anything in school for example there was this one day my mother scolded me in the car on the way to school for not being motivated to study and slacking . On that very day I had two term exams and I just went to the toilet and slept past the two exams over all I did fairly well and she slowed down the scolding .

My parents divorced at the end of last year but I’m not too affected my it because my father has already been gone for a very long time. But my mother is. She would cry night after night thinking she is committed a mortal sin divorcing my father, and as her child I am very saddened .

Physically I stopped gaining weight anymore because I started to lose appetite easily these few days and my NAPFA test shows that I’ve slowed down in training because I fell short of my records in secondary four.

As you can tell I’m not really in a good condition right now I can’t even tell what are my true emotions anymore . I would cry while talking about a non-sensitive topic for no practical reason .

Spiritually I’ve been going for my Thursday and Sunday morning masses but sinning is where I’m really falling off . I want to quote from what Nicole New said “choosing other things over god once, you’ll begin to think that it’s okay and do it again another time and another time until it doesn’t affect you anymore” this is very true for me I am devastated looking at myself like that because I never imagined myself doing the things I’m doing now. I still go for confession but I feel that it’s starting to be a weekly think so I feel is going no where. I’ve been doing my weekly readings on the bible and still pray about my problems (which I think will be solve by time)

The place I feel god is helping me the most is a companion that I’ve gotten quite close to since end last year . She has always been there for me since the start of this year for example she gives good advice and calms me when I feel overwhelmed in school . For example the day I collected my n level results I was super devastated that I didn’t make it I got my results before the rest of the cohort because I was the top ten and I called her first by the time she picked up I was in the toilet crying hysterically and she calmed me down before the prize ceremony and she continue to talk me through it after I came back from school . Another occasion is when my mum scolded me in the morning again but she was calling me names like useless and a burden to the family and it really hurt me . I messaged her and I cried in the toilet (again) until my fourth period which she calmed me down just so that I could go to class not looking like a complete mess.

Y’all, the acts 1:8 community had also helped me through my ups and downs with your sharing sessions to help me open up to more people and even help me with my bible readings with your bible phrases reviews.

I am very thankful to have y’all around I hope my prayer life will thrive on the up coming weeks so that my life will be back on track !!!

Sorry I didn’t have time to read the daily scripture as I’m in school 😦

Thanks for your time and I hope y’all have a wonderful day

(28 March 2017)

 

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