“If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” John 8:31-32
Hi, I will be doing the daily lent reflection today. The past few weeks in camp honestly has been nothing short of tiring and very exhausting. I’m in my last few months in the service, hence we are preparing for our last final mission in May of which if we do well, we could possibly be best infantry unit in SAF for this year. That’s why it’s pretty much exhausting and all the past few weeks due to us being pushed really hard for our trainings and all, so that we can truly be the best. With many weekends burnt its just very sian. Furthermore the thoughts for signing on still linger, as its really a conflict of interests, as I love being a sergeant and leading my men, and weirdly as it sounds I truly love infantry and dwelling in jungles has really been made my second home.. But on the other side is what I wanted since I was young which is to start a family and be there for my wife and children, and i know for a fact that if I do sign on, my time home would be so constrained and I don’t want to be that kind of father to my children and husband to Sam. Which is why as much as it is physically exhausting its mentally exhausting as well because decisions have to be made soon as my ORD date draws nearer.
This year’s lent, I can honestly say with a lot of remorse that it has been my worst lent ever. Instead of seeing myself grow closer to God and all, I see myself becoming so stagnant in my faith and I hate it, because the emptiness is real. I stopped saying daily prayers, worship music became something I would skip on Spotify and I could just feel myself being far away from my faith and I hated it. And yesterday I was just speaking to Sam about it, and how I want to be back to my strong faith, I’ve strayed far enough and I’m not gonna stray anymore. The fire in me is dimly lit but it’s not out, and i’m going to make it ablaze come Easter. For it’s a new beginning for us and a rebirth.
The verse at the beginning of my text is the verse that struck me the most in today’s Gospel, which is from John 8: 31-42. This verse really sums up how I felt after telling Sam that I wanted to regain my faith, because truly I’ve been so enslaved to my work in the army, to my vices, drinking and whatsoever so much that I’ve been trapped because I was brushing off His word and truly I hated it. Freedom from all this chains is what I want, to leave my shackles at the foot of the cross, shackles that have held me back from the heart of Jesus. And this being today’s Gospel was just really such a sign of strength from God that He knows I want to come back and he is welcoming me with open arms and I’m running back towards Him. And i’m never looking back.
Trevor (5 April 2017)